I had really struggled as a single parent, and when I had my second child, things got even worse. My relationship with my partner started to go downhill. I'm not sure whether it was because my second child developed problems with language. My first child started talking when he was very young, and I wasn't sure why my second child didn't do the same thing. I was worried and contacted the health visitor and the speech and language therapy department, but they just told me to maintain what I was doing and wait, assuring me it would probably not be a problem. Why isn’t it a problem when your child can’t communicate? But I knew there was something not right, and I couldn't find any help. No matter how many times I asked for help, it just didn't materialise.
As a mum, you want to know that things are OK with your child, but the information I got was very vague. Despite night after night of searching online for information, I wasn't sure that I was giving my child the best start in life. I tried everything I could, but my child really didn't seem to want to talk and had a real struggle with producing words. He had some sounds, but they weren't discernible, and I knew that only the people close to him understood what he was trying to communicate.
As time went by, I became more worried and distressed. It was through my GP that I found a leaflet about the Speech Language Communication Company. I contacted them and was put in touch with one of their coaches. Within days, they visited me at home, and there was something reassuring about the way they approached what was happening in my life. They seemed to understand and wanted to listen to how I felt, which first built a relationship of trust that I really valued. We worked on a plan, applying certain strategies at home over a period of weeks. It wasn't long before my child started to respond, and we were able to tackle some of the ways he had learned to communicate and change them to more effective methods.
Everything changed because I was becoming more confident, and I started to understand how communication happens and what role I, as a parent, had in the interaction. I was amazed that I didn't know a lot of the things I learned. What was great was that the family coach checked in with me by phone or WhatsApp about how I was applying some of the techniques and whether I was struggling with anything. This really helped me become more confident, and I also had somebody to talk to about some of the other things happening in my life. The balance of emotional support and practical support really helped me become more confident as a parent and more confident in myself. The coach taught me ways to manage problems and issues. I was able to work through the priorities I had, make decisions about what I could do practically, and break things down to look at them realistically. I learned a lot about me during that time.
After three months of support, my child was getting to where he needed to be with his language. We're still waiting on an appointment with the speech and language therapist, but I'm more confident that my son has moved into developing the language and communication skills he needs. I understand that my son might have a brain that thinks differently, and learning about how that affects a child, and how a parent needs to respond to that has been completely life changing. I can't speak more highly of the support I got from the coach, and I also met some other parents at local drop-in sessions. This allowed me to compare my situation with others and understand that I'm not alone. Feeling different to others isn’t a comfortable feeling. Listening to others and sharing, made things easier. People who go through similar experiences understand your predicaments.
I think when a young child is struggling to speak, the child is different from other children, and you, as a mother, feel different from other mums. There's something about knowing you're different that makes you feel really scared and isolated. I wasn't able to tell people how I felt, but having the opportunity to discuss my feelings with somebody trained to support that was invaluable to me. Looking back, I can see how fundamental that support was in helping me find the strength to learn and apply what I was learning.
I'm a different mum from what I was a few months ago, and I do feel that children who have these difficulties should not have to wait such a long time for support from the NHS. I'm so glad that I found the service that SLCo provides because it has provided me and my son with what we needed when we needed it most. As a mum, when you're looking for support for your child and it's not there, it causes such anxiety. It's difficult to imagine—you’re thinking, "There's something wrong with my child, and I can't find anybody to help."
The things that can affect a child's language development are not generally known, I found the information available quite confusing and trying to decide what might be happening is a guessing game. It involves a lot of different things, and it's important that mums like me are able to learn about that and understand that we can support our children rather than just waiting for a professional appointment. But I wouldn't have known that until I had the experience of working with the family coach. I just didn't know these things, and it's so important that other mums understand what I went through and can maybe do something differently. I'm so glad I didn't have to wait any longer for help, because I don't think we would have been in such a positive space if we had just waited until an appointment came along. I recommend that every mum with a child who struggles with speech and language makes looks further into getting help because waiting is not doing your child any favours.
Mary-Lu, Montrose
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